Meeting Intended Parents for the First Time: How It Works
One of the most exciting milestones in any surrogacy journey is the first meeting between a surrogate and intended parents. For many women considering surrogacy, this moment can feel both exciting and nerve-wracking. You may be wondering what to expect, what questions will be asked, whether the conversation will feel awkward, and how you'll know if it's the right match.
The truth is that meeting intended parents for the first time is often one of the most meaningful parts of the surrogacy process. It's the beginning of a relationship built on trust, communication, and a shared goal: helping bring a child into the world.
At Over the Rainbow, we understand how important this moment is. That's why we carefully prepare both surrogates and intended parents before the match meeting takes place. Our goal is to help everyone feel comfortable, informed, and confident as they take this important step forward.
Why Surrogacy Agreements Matter
GA successful surrogacy journey involves more than medical procedures and legal agreements. It is also a relationship. The connection between a surrogate and intended parents often lasts for months or even years. Throughout the pregnancy, you'll communicate regularly, share milestones, and work together toward the arrival of a baby.
Research published by the American Psychological Association highlights that trust, communication, and mutual respect are key components of healthy collaborative relationships.
The first meeting helps determine whether those elements are naturally present between everyone involved.
While no one expects an instant friendship, most successful matches share a sense of comfort, openness, and mutual respect from the beginning.
What Happens Before the Meeting?
Before a match meeting is scheduled, significant preparation has already taken place.
At Over the Rainbow, both surrogates and intended parents complete thorough screening and profile reviews.
This process often includes:
Medical screening
Psychological evaluations
Background checks
Lifestyle reviews
Personal interviews
Discussion of preferences and expectations
By the time a first meeting occurs, there is already a strong indication that the match may be a good fit.
The purpose of the meeting is not to determine basic qualifications. Those have already been reviewed. Instead, the meeting focuses on compatibility, communication styles, and shared expectations.
How Match Meetings Are Typically Conducted
Today, most initial meetings take place virtually through video calls, although some may occur in person when logistics allow.
Video meetings often provide a relaxed environment where everyone can connect from the comfort of their own homes.
The meeting usually includes:
The surrogate
Intended parent(s)
A matching coordinator or agency representative
The coordinator helps facilitate the conversation and ensures everyone feels comfortable. Most meetings last between 45 and 90 minutes.
What Do People Talk About?
One of the biggest concerns surrogates have is, "What will we talk about?" Fortunately, the conversation tends to flow naturally.
Topics often include:
Family Life
Everyone usually shares information about their family.
You might discuss:
Children
Spouses or partners
Hobbies
Careers
Pets
Daily life
This helps both sides get a sense of who the other person is beyond the surrogacy journey.
Why They Chose Surrogacy
Many intended parents share the story that brought them to surrogacy.
This may include:
Infertility struggles
Medical challenges
Previous IVF experiences
Their hopes for becoming parents
For surrogates, hearing this story often deepens the emotional connection and understanding of the journey ahead.
Why You Want to Become a Surrogate
Intended parents are often eager to hear why a woman decided to pursue surrogacy.
You might talk about:
Your family
Previous pregnancies
Your desire to help another family
What inspired you to become a surrogate
These conversations often become some of the most meaningful moments during the first meeting.
Questions You May Be Asked
While every conversation is different, intended parents commonly ask:
What inspired you to become a surrogate?
How does your family feel about surrogacy?
What was your previous pregnancy experience like?
What does a typical day look like for you?
How do you prefer to communicate?
What are your expectations for the relationship?
These questions aren't meant to feel like an interview.
Instead, they're opportunities to get to know one another.
Questions Surrogates Should Ask
The meeting is equally important for the surrogate.
Some helpful questions include:
What has your journey to surrogacy been like?
How involved would you like to be during the pregnancy?
What communication style do you prefer?
Are there important milestones you'd like to attend?
What are your hopes for this relationship?
What does support look like to you?
Remember, you're evaluating the match too.
A successful surrogacy relationship benefits everyone involved.
What Makes a Good Match?
Many surrogates worry they'll need to feel an immediate, overwhelming connection.
In reality, successful matches often feel much simpler.
Signs of a good match include:
Comfortable conversation
Similar expectations
Respectful communication
Shared values
Openness and honesty
Mutual enthusiasm
According to the National Institutes of Health, healthy relationships are often built through trust, communication, and clearly aligned expectations.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is compatibility.
What If It Feels Awkward?
This is completely normal. Many people enter the meeting feeling nervous. After all, you're speaking with people who may become a significant part of your life for the next year or more. The first few minutes can feel formal or slightly uncomfortable. That usually fades quickly once the conversation begins.
At Over the Rainbow, we remind everyone that nerves are expected. Most participants report feeling far more relaxed by the end of the meeting than they anticipated.
Discussing Expectations Early
One of the most important topics during the first meeting is expectations.
This may include:
Communication
How often would you like updates?
Would you prefer text messages, phone calls, emails, or video chats?
Medical Appointments
Will intended parents attend appointments virtually or in person?
Pregnancy Updates
What level of involvement feels comfortable for everyone?
Delivery Plans
Although details come later, some families begin discussing hopes surrounding delivery and hospital experiences.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) emphasizes that clear communication and shared decision-making contribute to positive pregnancy experiences.
Building Trust Over Time
The first meeting is only the beginning.
Trust develops gradually through:
Consistent communication
Reliability
Shared experiences
Respect for boundaries
Transparency
According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, trust in important relationships is built through ongoing communication and follow-through rather than a single interaction. Many surrogates and intended parents report that their connection deepens significantly throughout the pregnancy.
What Happens After the Meeting?
Once the meeting concludes, everyone has an opportunity to reflect.
Both the surrogate and intended parents independently discuss the experience with their coordinator.
Questions often include:
Did you feel comfortable?
Were expectations aligned?
Could you see yourself working together?
Did communication feel natural?
If both parties feel positive about the match, the journey moves forward to legal agreements and medical preparations.
The Emotional Side of Matching
For intended parents, this meeting often represents hope after years of waiting. For surrogates, it marks the beginning of helping create a family. The emotional significance can be profound. Research from the Mayo Clinic highlights that supportive relationships reduce stress and improve emotional well-being during major life experiences.
This is one reason Over the Rainbow places such importance on creating thoughtful, compatible matches.
How Over the Rainbow Supports the Matching Process
At Over the Rainbow, we understand that matching is about more than profiles and qualifications.
It's about people.
We support surrogates and intended parents through:
Comprehensive screening
Personalized matching
Match meeting preparation
Guided conversations
Expectation setting
Ongoing relationship support
Our goal is to create connections built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does the first meeting usually last?
Most meetings last between 45 and 90 minutes, depending on the conversation and questions involved.
Is it normal to feel nervous?
Absolutely. Nearly everyone feels some level of nervousness before the first meeting.
What if we don't feel like it's the right match?
That is okay. Not every match is meant to move forward. Finding the right fit is important for everyone involved.
Will we stay in contact throughout the pregnancy?
Most intended parents and surrogates communicate regularly throughout the journey, though the frequency varies based on mutual preferences.
Can a match meeting happen in person?
Yes. While virtual meetings are more common, some matches choose to meet in person when feasible.
Meeting intended parents for the first time is one of the most exciting and meaningful moments in the surrogacy process. While it may feel intimidating at first, most meetings quickly become warm conversations centered around shared hopes, family, and connection.
At Over the Rainbow, we believe the strongest surrogacy journeys begin with relationships built on trust and understanding. That's why we take great care in helping surrogates and intended parents prepare for this important milestone.
If you're considering becoming a surrogate and want to learn more about what to expect throughout the matching process, we'd love to connect with you. Our team is here to answer your questions, provide guidance, and help you take the next step with confidence.
Together, we can help create a journey that is meaningful, supported, and life-changing for everyone involved.